About the time a woman’s pregnancy starts showing — say 5-6 months along — a silent signal goes out, and she is quickly inundated with advice. Some great, some good, some bad, and some freakin’ horrendous.
What I consider the best advice I’ve gotten has changed over the years as my children aged, but my current favorite is:
“If your child doesn’t periodically claim to hate you, you’re probably not doing it right.”
I heard this a lot during the preschool years, and again during the pre-teen ones and again during the mid-teens. The boys haven’t said it in a long time, but I still hear “I hate you” on a regular basis these days, thanks to the not-quite-sixteen-year-old who would desperately love to convince me that fifteen years, eleven months is “almost exactly the same” as sixteen. It’s almost a badge of honor to be such a “horrible, rotten mother” that her daughter isn’t allowed to go on car dates even though “everyone else is allowed to!” 
The worst advice I ever got?
“To make sure your children respect you, you should spank them every single day.”
No, seriously. I got that one in a parking lot when I was hugely pregnant with my second child and trying to convince an overtired two-and-a-half-year-old that he absolutely had to wear shoes if he wanted to go into the store. The woman in the car next to mine suggested I give RC a “good slap across the face” and implied not doing so would result in his growing up to be a sex-and-drug addict with a drinking problem who would kill us all in our sleep, probably while singing show tunes.
It’s got to be one of the few times when I didn’t just think, “Holy hell, you’re insane” but said it out loud, while still near the crazy person.
So, what’s the best and worst advice you’ve ever gotten about parenting?
Filed under: Parenting
Worst advice: Let the baby cry it out. If the baby is under the age of one year, I say the baby is crying because the baby can not yet speak well enough to tell us what is wrong. So, pick up that baby. And comfort that baby. I picked up all my crying babies. I only regretted it, when I tried the “let them cry” method.
Best advice: Live in their moment. You will see the world as a new, and wondrous place, almost daily. When I did this, indeed, the world was wondrous. If you do not believe me, go for a walk with a 3 – 5 year old, and let the child guide the way. You will see birds, grass, trees, rocks, bugs, and more, for the first time, all over again.
Not so good, and not so true: Kids want quality time over quantity time. In truth they want both.
Really good advice: Sit at the table to eat meals, and no T.V. or books during meals. Guess what: Conversation Happens.
Best advice whilst pregnant was from my sister. She told me to keep perspective. Labour only last for X amount of hours and then it is done. It kept me going the whole 22 hrs of labor with no pain killer in sight.
I agree the worst is to let them cry it out. I have a hard time with that one. I tried it once and my lovely son cried until he threw up. Yeah, great advice that. Now I know the sound of his cry and know when he needs me or when he is just whinning.
The most common advice I get now is “put him in day care”. He is 2 1/2 and I stay home. I am lucky to stay home. Why on earth would I want to put him in daycare yet. Now at 3…
Seriously, I am not ready yet for him to be in daycare. I don’t think he is either.
Oy gods. *bows, genuflects* 22 hours and no painkiller! Having had three C’s for health reasons, the closest I’ve come to the birthing room was with my sister and nephew. *I* was all but begging for an epidural, but she was amazing, though her labor was around 12 hours start-to-finish.
I tried letting my oldest cry it out when he was about 3 months old. He’d begun crying constantly and nothing comforted him. So many people told me it was just for attention that I tried letting him cry in his crib – only to have it go on for hours and hours. Frantic, I called my mom, who asked a couple questions, then said, “It sounds like colic.” Which it was. The guilt was awful (still is, actually) and I could never do it again to him or his siblings.
Wait till you’re ready. Or till school starts, whichever comes first….
Three was actually my favorite age – they were potty-trained and weaned, their language skills and imaginations were just coming into full bloom, so they wanted to do, say, see, taste, and explore everything. Usually all at once.
Shoot a gun over yer puppehs to see if they’re gun shy.
Don’t shot a gun over yer puppehs, makes them gun shy.
jeff: LOL!! My favorite pet advice is “Never, never get a pet thinking the kids will actually take care of it.” I wish I’d followed it more often.
Hope all is well with the puppehs and kittehs and mrsj. And you, of course. ::mwah::
Please remember pets are not people.
Don’t demean them by trying to turn them into your children.
They are better than that.